


Send Me Light

by paradisedise



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (aggressive smut), Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, Anxiety, M/M, Mentions of Violence, Mentions of homophobia, Past Abuse, Romance, Smut, jaeten, ten and jaehyun fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 08:17:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11963394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradisedise/pseuds/paradisedise
Summary: The roads were long and crowded and the noises of traffic rang loud in his ears.





	Send Me Light

**Author's Note:**

> this is the fuckin stupidest tackiest thing ive ever written/read but its been in my drafts for so long and i just wanted to finish it and post it so like im sorry lol, check the tags for any warnings

Interstate seventy-six was beginning to be monotonous even though it had only been under an hour. The middle of the night was unforgiving and the reflective paint on the road was the only thing keeping Jaehyun awake. It was too late, too late to be driving on the highway but here he was, bags messily packed and music blaring. He was angry with himself and exhausted, but Jaehyun was at least grateful that the night sky brought cool air to the sweltering heat of summer. He wasn’t sure he could take a beating from the sun right now. 

He was desperate to get away, heading west away from betrayal. The valleys of the Appalachians rose and fell as he drove and he was going through tunnel after tunnel, white lights illuminating the darkness of the underpasses. He wasn’t going anywhere, considering there was nowhere for Jaehyun to go. Anywhere, however, had to be better than home. 

Someone on the side of the road and it felt like he was the first person Jaehyun had seen in days. His hand was out in an attempt to flag down a ride and Jaehyun felt compelled to stop because fuck it, he had nothing else left to lose. The car screeched to a stop and the man slid into the passenger’s seat. He was only wearing a tshirt and there were goosebumps pebbling his arms. “Hi, my name is Ten,” he said, voice light and sweet while he threw his backpack into the back seat. 

Jaehyun really didn’t feel like having a conversation, content with just dropping this guy off wherever he was trying to go and moving on. “Where are you going?” Jaehyun asked.

“Nowhere in particular, wherever you want to drop me off I guess.” 

Jaehyun huffed, irritated for no reason, and put the car in drive. He picked up his previous pace and the monotonous flash of road signs passing by returned. Ten was staring out the window, a tense expression on his face. “Where are you headed to?” he spoke up, eventually. 

“I don’t really know.” 

“What’s your name?” Ten asked.

“Jaehyun.” 

“Where are you from?”

“Does it matter?” Jaehyun snapped, on edge. Ten shut up and silence fell between them as they continued on the highway, exits after exits passing. Fast food signs and gas stations illuminated the pavement and the darkness of night was somnolent and. Ten had fallen asleep in the passenger's seat and Jaehyun was jealous, exhausted. By the time the sun was coming up, Jaehyun’s eyelids felt dangerously heavy so he took the next exit and pulled into some fast food chain. Ten stirred next to him, blinking his eyes open. 

“Where are we?” he slurred, voice still laden with sleep.

“I don’t know. I needed coffee.” Jaehyun got out of the car, feeling like a zombie. Ten hopped out, tagging along after Jaehyun. The taller didn’t say anything, simply walking into the restaurant and ordering a drink. He left the smaller at the counter and slid into a booth, Ten following.

“So you don’t talk much,” Ten said, yawning. “Why’s that?”

“I don’t have much to say,” he snapped, “and the stuff that I have to say I don’t particularly want to talk about.” 

“Ooh, cryptic,” Ten mocked. Jaehyun rolled his eyes. “Since you won’t tell me anything about yourself, I’ll just tell you about me. I’m from the east coast and I’m twenty-four.” 

Before Ten could continue Jaehyun asked a question. “Why were you on the side of the highway in the middle of the night?” 

Ten opened his mouth and closed it again, looking uncomfortable. He wouldn’t meet Jaehyun’s eyes, instead staring at the logo on his cup of coffee. “Me and my ex got in a fight, so I left.” 

“It’s pretty extreme to leave and get in a stranger’s car because of some fight.” 

“Shut up,” the smaller bit. “You don’t know what happened.” 

There was a moment of silence, tension thick between them. Ten seemed prickly, like he was offended by Jaehyun’s comment. Looking at Ten, the taller couldn’t help but study his face, that smooth skin and soft hair. He was as handsome as he was annoying, Jaehyun thought. Once Jaehyun finished his drink he ordered another and the two of them got back in the car, heading back onto the highway again. 

“I didn’t just leave because of some fight,” Ten said, out of the blue. Jaehyun didn’t speak, not wanting to say the wrong thing. “I had been scared for a while. I wasn’t treated well, and I finally realized I deserved better.” 

There was quiet between them, Jaehyun not daring to speak. 

“I didn’t have anywhere to go.” 

“No parents, or friends?” Jaehyun asked.

“None,” Ten said, mouth drawn to a grim line.

“I know the feeling.” 

After a few hours of silence they arrived in a metropolis, large and marked by a magnificent bridge crossing a river. City lights were glittering against the calm current of the water and it was busy, people going to and from various places and Jaehyun felt calm. He felt alone, but it was a familiar kind of loneliness. He felt less exposed like this, in a city. The roads were long and crowded and the noises of traffic rang loud in his ears. 

Ten was quiet, looking out the window. 

```

Ten was desperate to get out of the car. They haven’t stopped for the night yet, Jaehyun drinking an unhealthy amount of coffee and pulling over to nap when he needed it. Ten was getting impatient, and the muscles in his legs were cramped and uncomfortable. He needed to sleep in a real bed and not in some nasty passenger’s seat. 

“Can we please stop? What the hell are you trying to get away from so bad anyway?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer. 

“Jaehyun! Wake up!” Ten shouted, looking over and seeing Jaehyun doze off at the wheel. “What the fuck?” 

“Fuck, sorry,” he mumbled, blinking away sleep. The sun was setting and Jaehyun his eyes got heavy again as moments passed. 

“Pull over, we’re getting a motel.”

Jaehyun was too tired to protest and took the next exit. The motel was disgusting but Ten was unbelievably grateful to take a shower. When he stepped out of the tiny, steamy bathroom Jaehyun was already asleep. His lips were parted slightly and for the first time since Ten got in the car with him, his face was relaxed. Ten was used to seeing his jaw clenched and brows furrowed. Jaehyun looked soft, handsome, and Ten felt an unfamiliar lump in his throat. He got ready for bed as fast as he could and got in the other bed, facing away from the other. 

It had to be late in the morning when he woke up, Jaehyun still dead asleep. A couple days had passed since his last meal and the hunger pangs were intense so Ten went to grab breakfast for the both of them. The shower was on and the bathroom door was closed when he came back in with a dozen donuts. Not bothering to wait, Ten started eating. The donut tasted so fucking good, and the more he ate the more he realized how hungry he was and how neglected his sweet tooth was. The bathroom door creaked open and the noise startled Ten. 

There was only a towel wrapped lowly on Jaehyun’s waist and Ten’s eyes drifted to the trail leading down from his navel and back up to his face. Jaehyun’s hair was pushed back from his face and Ten’s mouth was dry. 

“You’re staring,” Jaehyun said, walking over to where his bag was. Ten looked away, embarrassed, but he could swear he saw a blush on Jaehyun’s cheeks as he bent down to get a change of clothes. 

```

This really is the armpit of the country, mused. He hadn’t seen anything besides gas stations and cows for hours now and for some godforsaken reason he couldn’t fall asleep. When he bugged Jaehyun about where they were going, the other just shook his head. 

 

“Will you be patient? It’s not like you have anywhere to go.” 

The words hurt more than Ten would like to admit but he bit back a reply and drew his lips into a straight line. Pasture after pasture flew past the window, and Ten was grateful for a clear sky so he could watch the sun go down. The middle of nowhere had the prettiest sunsets, he thought, pinks melting into oranges and eventually fading to black. He could actually see the stars, and it made a certain melancholy settle in his gut. 

Ten didn’t have to ask to stop for the night, Jaehyun was already pulling off the highway when Ten started to fall asleep. The exit Jaehyun took was dark, and there wasn’t anything for miles. The neon lights of the motel they found flickered and buzzed, but it was a place to stay. There was a gas station on the corner but that was the only thing even remotely in the area. 

The water coming out of the sink didn’t look entirely clean and Ten was parched, his head starting to throb from dehydration. “I’m gonna run to the gas station, do you need anything?” Ten called out from the bathroom. 

“I’m fine,” Jaehyun mumbled from under the blankets. He was tired again, sleep threatening to take over before he could even turn off the light. The door closed behind Ten and Jaehyun drifted, edges fuzzy and body relaxed.

```  
A slamming door woke Jaehyun up and he was fucking ready to cuss Ten out for waking him up especially after he had been driving his ass around for who knows how long. He didn’t have to pick him up that night, why couldn’t his dumbass be even a little bit considerate? Rolling over, he opened his eyes. 

Ten was slumped against the wall, blood and tears running down his face and his eyes pressed shut, a hand slapped over his mouth. A bruise was starting to form around his eye and Jaehyun could see bruises on his arms as well. 

“Oh, fuck.” Jaehyun got up and went over to Ten, kneeling down and putting a hand in his hair. “What the fuck happened?”

“I got mugged, I got fucking mugged,” his voice trembled through his fingers, like it hurt to speak. “They took everything, it hurts.” 

Ten was really crying now and Jaehyun was starting to panic, words escaping him. Now really wasn’t the time to be an asshole. That was his usual response to uncomfortable situations. 

He left Ten against the wall and came back with a couple washcloths, getting down on his knees. “Can you move your hand?” he tried his hardest to sound gentle. “The bleeding has to stop.”

Ten moved his hand and Jaehyun was mildly horrified at the blood that had already dried all over his face along with the redness that was still seeping from his nose and lip. Jaehyun held the washcloth to his nose and Ten whimpered, brows knitting together. “I’m sorry, but hold it there,” he whispered, taking another rag to Ten’s lip. His breaths were shallow and rapid and Jaehyun was desperate for him to calm down. Ten panicking would only make this worse.

Not knowing what else to do, Jaehyun put his free hand on the side of Ten’s face, running his thumb over his cheekbone and resting his forehead against Ten’s. The intimacy of the moment made Jaehyun’s breath pick up, but for some reason it felt natural. The bleeding slowed so he got up to get another towel, heart twisting at Ten’s whimper as he pulled away. He came back with the last washcloth, dampened. 

Jaehyun pulled gently at Ten’s wrist and the smaller let his hand fall to the floor limply. Jaehyun wiped gently at his face, focused not to press to hard. Ten studied his face as Jaehyun worked, cleaning the dried blood and fresh tears and tried not to make eye contact. Jaehyun hated himself for caring this much. There was a lump in his throat anyway and he tried to focus on cleaning him up. 

When Ten’s face was clean and the tears were dried, Jaehyun stood up and reached a hand out for Ten. The older stood up on wobbly knees and Jaehyun couldn’t look up from the ground. “You should get some rest,” he whispered. Ten only nodded and dragged himself to the bed. A sickening wave of nausea was creeping up on Jaehyun, and he just wanted to get in bed and will away the twisting in his gut. 

The sound of crying woke Jaehyun up a few hours later and his heart clenched in his chest. 

“Ten?” Jaehyun asked after a moment of deliberation. He wanted so badly not to give a shit, but leaving him there crying would have been evil. Right?

“It hurts,” Ten whimpered, sniffling. 

“Do you want to come over here?” Jaehyun asked before he could convince himself not too. Ten sniffled and crawled under Jaehyun’s blanket, keeping a fair distance between them. Jaehyun’s heart was thumping in his chest and he couldn’t pinpoint why he was so nervous. 

“It hurts, bad,” Ten said again, and Jaehyun knew there were tears streaming down his face. “He used to hurt me too.” 

He knew exactly what Ten meant by that. He had never given it much thought, but he knew that’s what Ten meant when he talked about his ex in that restaurant just the day after they’d met. Should he hold him? Comfort him? What would that imply? A long moment passed before Jaehyun managed to say something. 

“It’ll be okay, just go to sleep,” Jaehyun whispered, leaving Ten on the the cold side of the bed. 

```

At some point they crossed a river and followed it south, taking them to a colorful city that only existed in pictures. It was sweltering hot, the humidity weighing down on Jaehyun’s shoulders but the fruit trees along the road and vividly colored buildings lifted his spirits. The city had an energy that was indescribable, something carefree and radiant. Ten was keen on going into every little shop that lined the sidewalks and admiring all of the trinkets, turning them over in his fingers. Jaehyun watched him, quietly. 

Ten was making conversation people on the street like a natural and Jaehyun couldn’t keep up. He went to find a place to stay for the night, deciding on a little bed and breakfast on the corner across the street from a small orchard. Jaehyun thought about how lovely it would be to stay there, if his circumstances were different and he wasn’t running away from a relationship that wasn’t supposed to exist anymore. Outside the hotel lobby window he could see Ten smiling and petting a stray dog, and for some reason Jaehyun couldn’t bear to look too long. 

As the sun set the city lit up, people coming out of their homes as the weather got milder and eventually the streets were packed. Jaehyun had never been the type to like going out, but he knew Ten would want to and he didn’t want to leave Ten by himself. An adamant protective urge had settled over him since that night when Ten came back to the motel. Jaehyun trailed behind Ten as they wove through the crowds of people and Ten blabbered to him about inconsequential things as they hopped from bar to bar, having a drink at each. Eventually they ended up at a jazz club, the soft sound of horns and chatter occupying the space between clouds of cigarette smoke. Jaehyun sat down at a high top table and Ten stumbled climbing up to sit on the stool across from him.

“I want another drink,” Ten slurred, resting his elbows on the table. He was clearly tipsy, as was Jaehyun. 

“You sure that’s a good idea?” 

“I think so,” Ten eyelashes fluttered and he grinned. Jaehyun obliged, coming back from the bar with a couple of vodka tonics. Their fingertips touched as Jaehyun handed Ten the glass, and he pulled his hand back as fast as he could once Ten had grabbed the drink. Ten gave him a look that he couldn’t read. 

The song that was playing was familiar but Jaehyun couldn’t quite place it. Ten kept talking and Jaehyun tried to listen but he couldn’t quite focus. He was staring at Ten’s face, the way his eyes looked and how the corners of his mouth moved when he smiled. Jaehyun kept sipping his drink, and the longer he sat there the more the alcohol buzzed through his system. 

“Hello?” Ten asked, snapping his fingers in Jaehyun’s face. “I asked you a question.”

“Oh sorry,” he said, only half meaning the apology. “What did you ask?”

“I asked what’s your deal. The whole night you’ve had this faraway look in your eyes and I’d like to know what’s up.” 

Jaehyun didn’t speak for a moment, deciding what to say. This was his strength, he thought, being able to calculate exactly what he meant before he said it. To not say something that he shouldn’t. The intoxication slowed him down though, and before he could open his mouth Ten rolled his eyes. 

“We’ve spent all this time together and you still won’t talk. I’m starting to get annoyed by my own voice,” Ten huffed, leaning back and crossing his arms. “The least you could do is tell me a little bit about yourself.” 

“Okay, fine,” Jaehyun obliged, after a beat of silence. “I’m from the city, I lived there my entire life. I’m twenty-two and an only child. My parents are back east and I don’t plan on ever going back,” he said with a bitterness in his voice. 

“Why not?”

“Why aren’t you going back to your ex?”

Ten flinched and Jaehyun felt a twinge of guilt for bringing that up. He looked away and stared at the melting ice in his glass, watching the condensation drip onto the table. Jaehyun was well aware of the sharp tongue he had trouble controlling. 

“Is there anything else?” Ten said, small. He was looking off to the side, not wanting to meet Jaehyun’s gaze. Jaehyun looked at him, noticing the the slight pout on his lower lip and the fanning of his eyelashes, thick and dark. He was pretty in the low light of the bar. 

“I- I don’t know-”

“No, never mind. It’s okay, thanks for what you did tell me” Ten said smiling, a twitch of sadness tweaking the corner of his lip. The look in his eyes felt genuine, but Jaehyun couldn’t be sure. It could just be the alcohol, he thought. The knot in his throat must have been the alcohol too. Ten reached over to grab one of Jaehyun’s hands resting on the table. For a fleeting moment, Jaehyun had to push down the agonizing craving in his chest, not knowing what exactly he wanted. 

“Let’s go home,” Ten suggested, getting up and Jaehyun wasn’t going to argue. The bar was crowded and he felt like he could breathe better when they finally left, the warm breeze hitting his face. He closed his eyes and tried to will his body to relax, consciously unclenching his jaw. He could hold it together, he could. He couldn’t though, when he opened his eyes and Ten was looking up at him, shadows falling across his face and wind blowing through his hair. Ten was looking at him, like really looking at him, and Jaehyun felt naked. 

Ten tried to take a step forward towards Jaehyun but his foot got caught in a crack on the sidewalk, and Jaehyun caught him when he stumbled, holding him up. Ten looked back up at him, face flushed, and Jaehyun had to remind himself it was because of the alcohol and not the proximity. When Ten stood back up he was close to Jaehyun, so close the taller could feel the flutter of breath against his neck. Ten’s lips looked soft and warm and he wanted to kiss him, wanted to feel him against his body. Feel the touch of someone, anyone against his skin. Only in that moment did he realize how desperate he was for it. 

Ten’s eyelashes fluttered and he stepped back, looking at his feet. “We should go.”

Jaehyun followed after him. 

```

“Could you fucking shut up for once?”

Ten was gaping in disbelief. Jaehyun couldn’t help it and he snapped, finally exploding after all of the built up resentment over time. He left his fucking parents, the only shitty fucking home he’d ever known, all of a sudden and was stuck driving cross country with a stranger who never stopped talking. Ten had been running his mouth for the whole day and all Jaehyun wanted to do was brood and be alone. It was only natural that he was frustrated. 

 

“Excuse me?” Ten said, face red. “Fucking pull over.” 

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and stopped the car on the shoulder and Ten whipped open the door, stomping off. It took him a moment to realize what was happening but when he did anxiety and anger enclosed around his lungs. He couldn’t be rejected again, he couldn’t. He couldn’t take it, not with Ten.

Jaehyun stepped out of the car. “Ten, wait, please,” he panted, out of breath. “Where are you going?” 

“I’ll find somewhere else to go, Jaehyun, if I’m that fucking annoying,” Ten called back to him over the roar of the highway. Jaehyun ran up to him and Ten turned around, angry tears coming from his eyes. “Sorry I’ve been such a bother.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I just, I don’t know.” 

“You don’t know what?” 

“I don’t know what I don’t know. I’m emotionally unintelligent and I know I’m an asshole, I just don’t know how else to act,” Jaehyun breathed, knowing his voice was shaking. “You’re the only person who hasn’t been an asshole to me.”

“You can’t treat me like shit because you have issues, Jaehyun. I’ve dealt with plenty of assholes like you in my life and I’ve had enough. I didn’t think I’d be dealing with another one when I got in your car that night.” 

“I’m sorry, I know, just please don’t leave,” he took a step closer, into Ten’s space. Jaehyun was so deep in his own thoughts all the time. They clawed at his skull, seeping into his nauseous stomach and constantly threatening to spill from his eyes. He had fought so hard to keep it in and he was doing well so far. He could keep it up, as long as he had Ten there to ground him. 

“You’re the only person-” he stuttered, not knowing how to say what he wanted. “The only person, who I’ve ever wanted to be close to, I think. The only person who-, who has ever wanted to know me.” 

There was a strange mixture of emotion on Ten’s face and tears were still falling. “I do want to know you. Why wouldn’t I want to know someone who I’ve spent so much time with?” 

The statement hit Jaehyun like train, knocking the words from his throat and the air from his lungs. The feelings were bubbling up like bile in his stomach and he clenched his hands into fists. He wouldn’t break down, he wouldn’t. Why did Ten do this to him? And why, with an overwhelmingly powerful compulsion, did he want to pull Ten close right now? He wanted to take him in his arms and bleed out all of his tension into that small, warm body. 

“Can we get back in the car? We can find a place to stay and I’ll buy you dinner,” Jaehyun offered. Ten smiled and Jaehyun’s heart twisted, in a different way this time. 

```  
They weren’t sure where exactly they were, some small town but it wasn’t like the one they were in the night Ten was attacked. This one was welcoming, comforting even. The waitress at the diner had a pretty smile and was sweet to the two of them and it made Jaehyun feel happy. Ten made him happy too, watching him giggle at the server calling him sweetheart. The feeling from earlier hadn’t passed, Jaehyun still wanted to grab Ten and engulf him and hide in his bones and not let anyone else see him or know him like he did. On the walk back to the motel Jaehyun couldn’t help but rest his hand on Ten’s lower back, feeling the older tense up but eventually relax into the touch. 

They were in the elevator, having booked a room on the top floor. Ten was dangerously close, like that night after the bar, but this time it was much more real. Both of them were dead sober, resplendently aware of each other and the lack of space between them. Thank god Ten pulled Jaehyun down to kiss him, because the taller wasn’t sure he could have taken his eyes off of the beautiful oddities on Ten’s face--his uneven eyelids, the trail of his hairline, and the sloped tip of his nose. The kiss took Jaehyun by surprise but he savored it, not knowing exactly how much he had wanted it, needed it until that moment. They separated for a moment before Ten bit at Jaehyun’s bottom lip, and that’s when the damn broke. 

The sun was setting vividly in the window, painting warm ripples of light on the motel room walls and Ten was slammed up against the door. The walls were probably filthy but that didn’t stop Jaehyun from pinning Ten’s hands there, kissing him like his life depended on it. Jaehyun’s lips were bruising against the smaller’s, pulling moans out of the depths of Ten’s lungs. Jaehyun couldn’t remember the last time he had been this turned on. The noise they were making was echoing off the corners of the small room, the shoddy double bed in the center waiting for them. Jaehyun wanted to take his time, though, kissing Ten senseless and pushing him harder against the flat surface. Ten had been driving him so fucking crazy that it was hard to breathe. 

Jaehyun moved from his mouth to kiss Ten’s jaw, biting down hard on the underside of the bone. Ten whimpered and it sent a shot of heat straight to Jaehyun’s groin. He licked along the sharp cut of his jawline up to his ear, digging teeth into his earlobe and using his tongue to play with the earring. Ten was breathing heavy now, sweet little noises slipping from his mouth. Jaehyun was in a daze, unable to stop himself at this point. He was kissing behind Ten’s ear, trailing his lips along his hairline and down to his nape. He sucked particularly hard at the side of his neck, hoping for a bruise. A breathy moan spilled from Ten’s lips and Jaehyun pushed him back against the wall as Ten clawed at his back, desperate. Jaehyun mouthed greedily to his collarbones, pulling his shirt collar back to expose the soft skin. He didn’t know what was going on or what he was feeling, but luckily he knew what he was doing. 

“Are you going to be good for me?” Jaehyun asked, and Ten shuddered, contorting his body closer to Jaehyun’s. “Tell me how badly you want me.” 

“So bad, god, so fucking bad Jaehyun. Please, I need you to fuck me now, I’ve wanted it for so long,” Ten purred, breathing erratic. 

“You’re so needy. Get on the bed,” Jaehyun demanded as he pulled back from Ten. The older of the two practically ran to the bed, laying on his back. “Look at you, so eager for me.” 

Ten reached up, needing attention and Jaehyun was happy to oblige. He climbed over him, grinding their hips together and taking Ten’s lips in another urgent kiss. Jaehyun slipped a tongue into Ten’s mouth, licking at the back of his top teeth and teasing him. Ten keened, gripping Jaehyun’s shoulders. The younger was having none of it, lacing fingers through Ten’s hair and yanking his head back to expose his neck. Ten sobbed, pleads for more filling the space between them. Jaehyun bit down hard on the flesh right above Ten’s adam’s apple, causing him to cry out. 

“God, you’re impatient,” he chided, exhale leaving goosebumps on Ten’s skin. Jaehyun pulled off Ten’s shirt, flesh hitting open air and Jaehyun wasted no time reaching down to suck on a nipple, alternating between rolling it between his teeth and sucking hard. Ten was thrashing underneath him, nails digging into Jaehyun’s biceps and the younger continued to leave marks of possession on Ten’s torso, red and blooming underneath his skin. He took a minute to admire his work, feeling turned on by the sheen of sweat on Ten’s forehead and the way his eyes were screwed shut, completely gone. Jaehyun lapped back into Ten’s mouth with fervor, dragging his fingernails down hard to the older’s waistband. Ten’s body was svelte, slim but defined with ridges of muscles that tensed under Jaehyun’s touch. He was beautiful and it made Jaehyun’s mouth water. “Should I take these off?” Jaehyun purred, teasing.

“Yes, please, take them off, I want you,” Ten was frantic. Jaehyun pulled his waistband down, leaving Ten bare underneath him. The smaller thrust his hips up, craving friction and Jaehyun held them down. 

“If you’re impatient I’ll stop right now,” he said, lips hovering over Ten’s belly button. Jaehyun leaned down to press his lips against the sharp cut of his hipbone. Ten whimpered, skin on fire. He was hard without even being touched and Jaehyun smirked. Jaehyun took his time teasing Ten, kissing along the junction of Ten’s legs and pelvis. He pushed his legs farther apart, admiring lithe, sinewy muscles and softness in the best places. Ten’s eyes were squeezed shut and he had an arm thrown over his face, entire body flushed. The younger sucked at Ten’s inner thighs, wanting even darker marks on his most sensitive places. Ten choked back a moan.

“Let me hear you,” Jaehyun demanded, biting down on the tender flesh of Ten’s thighs and moving back up. He yelped, legs shaking and snaking a hand into Jaehyun’s hair, gripping it hard. 

“Please, I need more, I need you,” Ten shuddered. “Don’t be gentle.” Jaehyun nipped at the skin of his stomach, going lower to let his breath ghost over the heat between Ten’s legs. He lowered his lips so they were barely touching Ten’s cock and smirked, enjoying how wrecked the older was. 

“Do you want this?” Jaehyun teased, much to Ten’s distress. Ten whined, brows furrowed while he nodded his head, frustrated that the younger was making him beg. Jaehyun laughed and climbed back up to take his lips into a kiss. Ten kissed back desperately and Jaehyun cupped his face sweetly. Ten wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s torso, one hand lacing into the soft hair on Jaehyun’s nape and the other gripping his side. They kissed passionately, all of the tension between them manifesting as lust that seeped into Jaehyun’s skin and lit his nerves on fire. Ten licked into his mouth and Jaehyun pulled on his hair. He trailed a hand down Ten’s body, reaching down between his legs and squeezing. Ten moaned and Jaehyun couldn’t take it anymore. He stopped kissing him and leaned to whisper in his ear. “Hands and knees.” 

A shot of heat raced to Ten’s groin and he flushed harder, wiggling out from under Jaehyun and getting on all fours next to him. Jaehyun exhaled and reached for his bag to grab lube and a condom, while he popped open the bottle and slicked up his fingers. Jaehyun grabbed Ten’s ass and squeezed, the other man yelping. “Ready, baby?” Jaehyun purred, bringing a lubed finger to his entrance. Ten whined, nodding, and Jaehyun pushed in. There was resistance, Ten was so tight and Jaehyun shivered, a thrill of anticipation creeping under his skin. He moved, pushing in and out and Ten was squirming, pleads for more filling the air. Jaehyun added another finger and spanked Ten hard. “Quiet.” 

The demand was heard, Ten muffling his moans as Jaehyun prepared him, stretching him open until Ten’s thighs were shaking. “Do you want it now?” Jaehyun asked, smacking his ass again. 

“Yes, yes, I want it, please,” Ten begged, shamelessly pushing back against Jaehyun’s fingers. Jaehyun grabbed Ten’s waist and flipped him over, the smaller bouncing on the bed. His cheeks were red and a pink flush ruddied his chest. It made Jaehyun’s mouth water so he took him in for a kiss, biting hard on his lower lip and sucking his tongue into his mouth. He pulled back, admiring Ten’s eyes squeezed shut and swollen lips. Sitting up, Jaehyun pulled his shirt over his head and his pants down. Jaehyun rolled the condom on, impatient. 

The first push in drew a low groan from Jaehyun’s throat, his shoulders shuddering. Ten was so tight and warm, Jaehyun had never been with someone who had felt this good. Forcing himself to hold still, he ran fingertips along Ten’s spine. “Are you okay?” 

Ten nodded, nails digging into Jaehyun’s solid back. Jaehyun pulled out slowly, slamming back in. Tears were welling in Ten’s eyes and he pulled Jaehyun’s body close to his. Wanting something deeper, more intimate, Jaehyun grabbed Ten’s leg and threw it over his shoulder. The new angle let him in so much further, Ten’s tight heat sucking him in. The lasciviousness of it made him shudder. Ten moaned when Jaehyun pressed his hands into his hipbone, leaving fingerprints in it’s wake. Wetness was coming from his eyes and Jaehyun kissed it away. 

Jaehyun was fucking mindlessly into Ten, watching the younger thrash beneath him. It was cathartic, letting all of the pent up emotion Jaehyun had been bottling seep into Ten. He felt light, like the negative cloud in his head was disappearing to allow the warmth of the setting sun to beat down on his back. A slight change of angle drew out a salacious cry from Ten, his other leg wrapping around Jaehyun’s back.

“More, right there please,” he begged, eyebrows furrowed. Jaehyun would be stupid to refuse, so he fucked him even harder, wanting Ten to fall apart underneath him. He leaned down to suck another mark into the skin stretched taut over Ten’s collarbone. The noises he was making had Jaehyun aching for release. The man under him was sublime, so fucking gorgeous and Jaehyun wanted to ruin him.

“Can you cum, just like this?” Jaehyun hummed, words suspended in the tension of his muscles. Ten shook his head vehemently, more tears slipping out. “I think you can, Ten, I think you can cum just like this.” 

“I can’t, I can’t, please Jaehyun,” Ten was frantic, vulnerable. Jaehyun kissed him hard, not hesitating to lick into his mouth. Ten was trembling, the heat wrapped around Jaehyun tightening. 

“You’re gonna cum like this, Ten, just like this with me filling you up.” Longing was welling in the pit of Jaehyun’s stomach but he needed Ten to finish first. There was even more strength in each thrust and Ten was sobbing, overwhelmed. Jaehyun bit his earlobe, hot breath tickling his hairline.

“Cum, Ten, do it for me,” Jaehyun purred, trailing a finger up the underside of his cock. 

Ten cried out, languid as he released over his stomach in throes of pleasure. He squeezed Jaehyun so tight it almost hurt and the larger was out of his mind. Jaehyun hips were stuttering as he finally finished, spilling into the condom. His entire body was thrumming, liquid gold flowing through his veins. He felt perfect, so relaxed. Ten was wrecked underneath him, still catching his breath. 

Jaehyun ran his fingers through the cum on Ten’s torso, scooping it up and pressing it to his lips. Ten opened his mouth, swirling his tongue around Jaehyun’s finger. Even when he was fucked out of his mind Ten was sexy. The taller let himself collapse, breathing heavily into Ten’s skin. Ten’s hands were still shaking, clinging to the back of his lover. Jaehyun couldn’t remember the last time he felt so rapturous, so sated. 

Jaehyun rolled over onto his back and Ten crawled to cling to his side. He looked so beautiful in the dim light of the room, hair messed up and bronze skin peppered with marks. The dampness of his skin was shining and Jaehyun’s chest tightened. He tilted his chin up to kiss him, lazy and soft and Ten wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s shoulders. The younger was scared of whatever emotion was filling his ribcage. What was Ten to him? His friend? Someone to fuck? Jaehyun didn’t want to decide, he didn’t want the sickening uncertainty to bubble up again. For right now, he was content just kissing him, dipping into the oasis that was the smaller amongst the unbalance of his heart. 

```

The sky was dark and overcast when Ten woke up in the passenger’s seat. It was a few days after their blissful night at the motel, and for a little while it was lovely. Jaehyun would smile at him like he was the sun, like he held the world in his hands and Ten felt lovely, valued. He was acting strange at breakfast earlier in the day though, and Ten could feel the wall starting to be built between them, Jaehyun going back into his shell. It was sorely disappointing and Ten didn’t know what to feel. 

When he looked to the driver’s side, Jaehyun wasn’t there and the car was parked in an empty lot. There was a hill in front of it, wooden steps embedded in the grass. Ten was curious. He stepped out of the car and the breeze was refreshing, the air smelling like campfire. The sight at the top of his steps was breathtaking. Something that looked like an ocean stretched across the horizon, dark, billowing clouds hanging low over the water. There was a storm coming, judging the sudden clap of thunder he hear from the distance. Ten looked down to the beach and saw Jaehyun sitting on the sand facing the water. 

“Jaehyun?” Ten said softly, coming down the hill. The larger was sitting his knees hugged to his chest, too-long sweater sleeves coming past his fingertips. He looked painfully small and the red rimming his eyes was telling. Ten sat down beside him, giving him space. Jaehyun sniffled. “Whats wrong?” 

“I can’t do this, I can’t ignore everything like I have been for so long,” Jaehyun put his face in his hands, shoulders trembling. “It hurts, and I’m sick of pretending that it doesn’t.” 

More thunder rumbled and the grey waves were crashing up on the shore, threatening to wash the two of them away. “What hurts?”

“They kicked me out, they caught me with someone and kicked me out. They told me I was disgusting, that I should burn in hell and that I wasn’t their son anymore,” he sobbed, voice breaking. “I took all of money out of the stupid trust fund they had set up for me and ran. All they fucking care about is money and themselves, they don’t care about me and they never did.” 

Ten felt numb. It was such a sharp contrast to the usual Jaehyun, the usual apathy and aloofness that had defined Jaehyun thrown out the window. He was clearly upset but it was refreshing to Ten to see him like this. The smaller threw an arm around his shoulder and Jaehyun turned and clung to him, burying his face in the crook of Ten’s neck. 

Ten stroked his hair, soft and thick, and he watched the clouds roll in for a moment, letting Jaehyun calm down. “I’ve never been important to anyone, I don’t fucking matter to anybody,” Ten heard, the words buried into his skin. 

“That’s not true, Jaehyun,” Ten murmured, tilting Jaehyun’s chin up to look at him. “Do you know where I would be if it wasn’t for you?” 

Jaehyun looked incredibly vulnerable when he shook his head no. 

“I would be back with my ex. Nobody would have picked me up on the side of that damn highway and I would have went crawling back to him. I would’ve let him hurt me more, take advantage of me again, and use me.” Tears were starting to spill from Ten’s eyes as well. “But I didn’t, because you didn’t let me. You didn’t know it and neither did I, but you saved me from going back there and letting him ruin me. So you matter to me.

“You’re so hard to read and so distant sometimes, but you’ve shown that you can be gentle and soft. You could have told me to fuck off that night when I came home to the motel, but you didn’t. You cleaned me up and took care of me when I needed it the most. Nobody has ever done anything like that for me.” 

“Ten, I was just being a decent person, how could I have left you like th-” Ten shushed him, bringing a palm to his cheek and pressing his thumb to Jaehyun’s bottom lip. The younger’s eyes were still shining. 

“Let me finish please,” he chided, no bite in his voice. “You’re a real fucking asshole sometimes, and I know that life has been so fucking unfair to you until this point. You can’t take it out on others, though, okay? Especially not me, I deserve better.” Jaehyun nodded his head, more tears flowing. The unmistakable crack of lightning startled the two of them and Jaehyun clutched him tighter. Heavy rain started to fall. 

“To be honest, we don’t know each other that well,” Ten continued, “but something compelled you that night to pick up my deadbeat ass from the side of the road, as dumb as that sounds. I want to know you better. I want to know what your childhood dream was, your favorite comfort food, things that make you laugh, and things that scare you. Okay? So please don’t feel like you don’t matter to anyone. You matter to me.” 

They were both soaked, and crying, but Jaehyun had a beautiful smile on his face. He must have never smiled in front of Ten before, because Ten would have remembered those dimples. Jaehyun pulled him closer and kissed him, tender and soft, and Ten felt warm. 

“Well to start,” Jaehyun whispered after pulling away, still a breath away from Ten’s lips, “I’m scared of thunderstorms. So do you think we could get back in the car?”

Ten laughed, full and hearty. “Let’s go, Jaehyun.”

```

There was something uniquely satisfying about sleeping during the day, letting the sun go down and waking up without an alarm in the evening. It was Ten’s favorite thing to do, and Jaehyun was happy to indulge him. They were on the couch on an early fall night, fan blowing on them as they laid curled up around each other. Jaehyun woke up first, keeping his eyes closed while he breathed in the smell of Ten’s shampoo. They lived in a tiny little log cabin, somewhere far away from everything. When they were looking at housing ads, they knew this was it. Someplace beautiful, where they could be away from what they wanted to leave behind, but close to each other. It was situated on a lake and they had a humble dock with a rowboat tied to it. 

Jaehyun raised a hand to Ten’s hair, playing with it lightly while his other hand stroked his back. He was relaxed like this, content laying there with Ten for as long as the older would let him. After a few minutes Ten stirred, a low noise rumbling from his chest. Ten inched himself up, pulling on Jaehyun’s t-shirt and kissing his collarbone. 

“Baby,” Ten slurred, pressing more kisses to Jaehyun’s neck, “wanna go on the boat?” 

“You’re going to have to get up if you want to go.” Jaehyun chuckled when Ten made a noise of protest. “Come on, let’s go. We can stay in bed all day tomorrow.” 

There were on the dock after coaxing a lethargic Ten off the couch, and his eyes were still sleepy when they sat in the boat and pushed off of the dock. They sat across from each other, Jaehyun rowing and Ten gripping the bench with white knuckles. The sky was dark and there was a strong wind. 

“Are you scared? You’re the one who wanted to go out!” Jaehyun said, smirking. Ten pouted. “I’m not gonna let us tip, so don’t worry.” 

Ten forwent a response and instead leaned in and kissed Jaehyun on the lips. The younger dropped the oars and brought his hands to Ten’s cheeks, feeling a blush spread across his face. Ten took his bottom lip in his and tugged on it and Jaehyun felt his ears heat up like they always did when he was flustered. He licked into Ten’s mouth and the smaller smiled into the kiss, getting closer and wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s neck. Rain started to fall. 

“This is the fucking corniest thing that’s ever happened, you know that right?” Ten asked, pulling away and giggling. 

“It really is, isn’t it? I feel fucking stupid to be honest.” 

“Whatever, just keep kissing me please.” 

And so he did, pulling Ten into his lap while trying not to capsize. Their clothes stuck to them from the rain but they clung together even tighter. There was a roll of thunder in the distance but Jaehyun didn’t flinch. He was with someone who loved him, who made him feel safe. He didn’t have to be afraid anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry ive been awol lately my life has been crazy lately and there have been a lot of changes but im starting to get settled so maybe i can post more. if u have any requests drop them below and i'll consider them! as always comments and kudos really reallly really reeeeally appreciated :) the title is from the song homme by instupendo. see u next time!


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